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Help! My Husband Isn’t Prince Charming Anymore

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Help! My Husband Isn’t Prince Charming Anymore

by Arlene Pellicane

One of the first movies I saw with James when we were just friends was Princess Bride.  We were at a house with other grad students.  I looked over at James who had declared our relationship to be merely platonic.  But I saw in him my Westley, my true love.  He didn’t see me as his princess that night, but in time he did.  When you’re dating and falling in love, it’s easy to see Prince Charming and nothing else.  Yet every couple eventually comes to the realization they are mere mortals.  The butterflies flutter away.  The heart stops beating wildly at the sight of your mate.  You might wonder where did my Prince Charming go?   But guess what?  Your husband may be asking, “What did my fairy tale princess go?”  Before you get too carried away with your husband’s faults, let’s be honest and agree that no one is flawless and regal all of the time.  If you will ask better questions about your marriage, you will have a happier marriage.  Instead of asking “Where did Prince Charming go?” try these three questions instead: Question #1:  Is popular culture taking a toll on your relationship?  If you constantly feed your mind with modern sitcoms, romance novels, and popular songs that do not glorify marriage, you will start believing those messages.  Your man won’t seem nearly as appealing or exciting as he did before.  I think actor Kevin Sorbo (Hercules, God’s Not Dead) is right in his commentary about media bias.  I interviewed Kevin for my book 31 Days to a Happy Husband and here’s what he said:    “Hollywood does such a great job of demasculinizing men.  If you look at any sitcom, that guy’s an idiot.  He’s a moron.  His kids are all rolling their eyes.  They’ve done that for decades.  Kids grow up watching that and they think fathers are idiots.  It’s the mom that can do anything and she’s a babe on top of it.  They do that a lot in shows.  You look before with Father Knows Best or My Three Sons, the dad had smart things to say to his kids.  He was a moral man who led by good example.  For some reason it’s become funny to make the dad fat and stupid. Be aware of what you are watching and listening to on your screens.  Very subtly, negative messages about your man and marriage can creep in and before you know it, you are jaded against your man.”   Question #2:  Do you have unrealistic expectations?   Most days aren’t filled with epic movie moments.  Your husband isn’t going to charge into your workplace upon a white horse to rescue you from an evil boss.  He’s not going to call the florist and have 100 red roses delivered to your house just because. If you expect your husband to regularly provide over-the-top movie moments, if you expect him to always know the exact right thing to say at the exact right time, you need to change your expectations.  If your husband expected you to wear high heels every day for dinner and show up to bed with amorous intentions each night, you would probably say his expectations were unrealistic.  Well, that’s similar to us expecting our husbands will be perfectly romantic, handsome, sensitive and considerate all the time, hanging on our every word.  Give your husband a break.  Extend to him the same grace you want for your own imperfections.  Instead of expecting the unreasonable, look for the faithful ways your husband shows his love for you each day.  Whether he’s picking up dinner, changing the oil in the car, putting the kids to bed, or paying bills online, he could use a heartfelt thank you. Question #3:  Are you still seeking to serve?  When you were dating, you were more than happy to meet the needs of your beloved.  You would drive across town to get his favorite sandwich for lunch.  You would sit through a football game just because he liked it.  You would rub his shoulders and scratch his back while you talked.  Do you still look for ways to serve your prince?  
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